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Nov. 22nd, 2004 @ 07:30 pm and apparently the way someone tilts their head matters when they say certain words.
but you know i could dress the same. but it would still be different. although this has taken place in two different locations, the sight i'd seen from that angle looked exactly the same, and i got up to look at myself, because thats what i do, and there was blood smeared up my face, and blue leaking from my eyes. a lighter blue than before, and 3? 4 years? it's still the same, now im stronger, i don't even have to be quiet. it's more important now, maybe.

perhaps this is the way it's supposed to be. i was wearing that sweater that night that boy explained its purpose, and probably, in that moment, i needed it explained, but not usually. and it was one of the last nights you were... actually, i don't have the slightest clue of how to explain what you were, i had thought of you in so many different ways, and listened to what people had said about you, though it never sunk in, so what you really are is just a bunch of verbal thread, and right now, there really isn't any reason to unravel you or the past, now is there?
(well, of course there is. but you might not be worth it, and i only say might because you are a great pretender. so im not sure.

a few weeks ago, i was very much flattered. me with all my potential that you notice, and i truly meant it when i told him that i could not let this sunset pass with out seeing him, and he is someone that i know, for a fact, that i love. but it's never hurt. no. it has, but when i was talking to him that day, it really felt like it had never hurt before. he is really smart. he writes me, and tells me i am smart, and talented, and beautiful. and all these things, and his imagination drives me crazy, because i've seen him describe some things so well. but i can't for the life of me remember any of the things we talked about those days. but i know it was good. i know that.

i should probably write thank you cards to everyone that has ever come near me.

i compare my time with others. "she is 20 and i am only 18, but she is inlove at 20, so i've still got time." i do this with love, weight, sucess, healing, and.... uhm.....

and if i were to ask someone to take it all back, wouldnt i be the one receiving everything that i currently wish to be giving away? me, or a past me? aajhfjdhfhkjdhsfsdfsjdhfkjhscapecodsleepdeprivation.

but still at this weight, i still spell the same things incorrect.

last weekend was swell.
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Date:November 23rd, 2004 04:16 am (UTC)
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i'll bring the wine glasses...
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